


Natasha Is Not Going On That Date

by Eternal_Love_Song



Series: Villains Out Shopping [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amora Does Not Appreciate This, Female Loki, Gen, Humor, Loki Does What He Wants, Protective Natasha Romanov, Shopping, Talking, implications Abound, villains out shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 04:52:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4863839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternal_Love_Song/pseuds/Eternal_Love_Song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki goes Shopping<br/>--Or--<br/>Loki tries to set up a date, but the details of whose are elusive, Natasha is not okay with any of this, and Amora becomes rather miffed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Natasha Is Not Going On That Date

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe how quickly I get inspiration for this.

"Don't move a muscle," Natasha's harsh voice whispered Loki's ear, pushing the gun into her back. Loki let out a quiet sigh and folded up the clothing in her hands, laying it back onto the display.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, little spider?" Loki questioned.

The gun made an odd clicking sound that Loki assumed to be some sort of warning. Natasha spoke through clenched teeth. "Do not call me that."

"I don't suppose you'd have me call you by name, Lady Natasha?"

"Agent Romanov, to you."

"Of course," Loki replied with what could be mistaken for fond exasperation. "Now that pleasantries are out of the way and you clearly have no concern for civilian safety, what may I do for you?"

"Tell me what you and Doom are planning!" She ordered in a harsh whisper.

"Hmm?" Loki hummed as something caught her eye. Making as few movements as possible, she reached out to pick up the dress. "Are we planning something?"

"Don't play dumb," She growled. "I want to know what that explosion was about?"

"Oh, that?" Loki questioned, partially turning to face the woman. "That was ages ago. Are you still thinking about that little incident?"

"It was a week ago and it wasn't little," Natasha answered.

"Even so, that was not my fault." Loki explained. "Doom had a guest over and they got a little... enthusiastic, let's say? It was... something of an accident, as I understand it." Loki turned around, causing Natasha to flinch and almost reveal her weapon in her attempt to keep it trained on Loki. "What do you say we stop pretending that your little trinket can hurt me and you tell me what you think of this dress?"

Natasha's eyes flickered over the dress involuntarily and she glared at Loki for temporarily distracting her. "You won't distract me."

"And you won't distract me, now what do you think?" Loki asked insistently. She held up the article, a long red dress with low neck line and high split. "And to put your mind at ease, despite you not believing a word out of my mouth, Doom and I are not planning anything."

Natasha's eyes cut to the dress again. "Seductive, but classy." She answered shortly. "I didn't take you as the type to wear red."

"I'm not," Loki answered. "I'm considering it for an unusual situation." She peered at the thing again with a small frown. "Were you here to actually buy clothes or just to impede my own shopping."

"You actually shop?" Natasha questioned. "I'm surprised you don't just take whatever you want."

Loki grinned wryly. "That's more Amora's style. I'm the one with the money."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "I'll assume that was a joke."

"It was," Loki confirmed. "Though it was more for myself than you." Loki put the dress down. "So, my waiting widow, what are your intentions with my human?"

"Excuse me?" Natasha raised an eyebrow at her.

"I see your eyes wandering," Loki told her. "You're looking for him. You saw us together before and now you assume that he is somewhere near. So, what. Do. You. Want. From. Him?" Loki pronounced each word succinctly.

Natasha glared. "To take him into custody."

"False." Loki told her, tapping her on the forehead. Natasha's expression turned positively feral, but Loki only smilied, turning back to the clothing rack and moving on when it yielded nothing more to her taste. Natasha, of course, followed. "I am well aware that your Captain has designs on him, for whatever his reasons are, and you have plans for him. I just need to know if they are the same plans or your own."

"Last time I met him he tried to kill me," Natasha said flatly.

"Yes, yes, we all have our quirky tales of companionship," Loki waved her off. She pulled a green dress off the rack and held it over Natasha's form. "That is hardly relevant and it in no way answers the question. Would you wear this?"

Natasha glanced at the dress barely a second. "No."

"Liar," Loki said, tossing the dress onto the Widow's shoulder. "One of us is going to have a good time, I just need to know which one," Loki said with a huff. "It would be so much easier if you wanted him, then I wouldn't have to go out of my way to--"

"Are you trying to set me up on a date?" Natasha asked incredulously, taking the dress off of her shoulder.

"I know, I know, a perfect match." Loki replied. "They always want the ones that are bad for them, but you are absolutely lovely, my dear! Nothing complicated about the romance between two assassins."

"Are you serious right now?"

"It would be so much less messy than... other options. Here, go change!" Loki added a black dress to Natasha's other shoulder and pushed her toward the dressing room. Natasha spun around and pushed Loki's hands away. Loki sighed, folding her arms over her chest and looking at Natasha with all the exasperation of a parent dealing with a petulant child. Natasha ground her teeth. "What now?"

"I'm not going to date your pseudo son!" She yelled.

"You mortals are always so presumptuous!" Loki said back. "You can never except when someone knows better than you. Never let anyone do anything nice. Fine! Fine! Do what you want, you stubborn human!" Loki waved her hand and Nataha found her herself teleported into a dressing room.

The problem being that the dressing room was already occupied. The other woman screamed and Natasha had to do a lot quick talking to calm the woman and convince her that the sudden and impossible appearance was, somehow, a mistake, then she beat a hasty retreat. She stormed through the store looking for Loki, but found Amora instead. The woman was in a long green dress, sunglasses over her eyes, wide brimmed hat on her head, and several shopping bags on one arm. She looked like an old fashion movie star, which somehow irritated Natasha even more.

Amora handed her one of the smaller bags. "Loki bought this for you."

Natasha glared. "I told him that I wasn't going to--"

"Just except the gift. It's an apology." Amora told her. "This is what Loki does. He gets all up in arms about something, feels bad, and gives gifts instead of apologizing. Friendship with him becomes very lucrative. He hates admitting when he's wrong."

"Reminds me of someone," Natasha grumbled as she took the bag. Inside were both the dresses Loki had wanted her to try on, in her size, and a few accessories. "How does he know my size?"

Amora smiled at her. "You should be happy. He even paid for them."

"Did you pay for your things?" Natasha asked.

"Let's not focus on that right now." Amora said. "Let's get lunch and we can talk about your man-slaves."

"My what?"

"The Avengers."

"Oh." Natasha replied. "I prefer to call them thralls."

Amora smiled approvingly. "Loki told me that you were their queen, so I figured you'd be the best person to talk to if I wanted to borrow one."

"Sovereign," Natasha corrected. "No, Empress, actually. And what do you mean you want to borrow--"

"Oh, hold on!" Amora said, reaching out to Natasha, her hand quickly snaking into the other girls shirt so fast the assassin didn't even have time to flinch. Amora pulled out the small listening device and crushed it between her fingers. "Sorry, I hate having to talk in circles like Loki does. It's just so much easier to be straightforward in a situation like this."

Natasha looked sincerely caught off guard for a moment before Amora placed a hand on her shoulder and began to steer her out of the store. "How did you--"

"Please, don't insult my intelligence, Empress." Amora told her. "No way you would have approached Loki without some kind of back up in place. He is perfectly fine playing those games with you and your thralls, but I don't have time for it. I have to get my piece of mind back."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Natasha replied, trying to dig in her heels and look like she was resisting without actually struggling. Someone would see her and when Shield arrived, they would be able to identify which way she went. Except that Amora was so strong none of her resistance mattered in the slightest.

"Do you have any idea how obsessive your kind can be?" Amora complained. "One thought over and over out of your mouths like some--" Amora stopped herself and took a deep breath. "I'm starting to sound like Loki. Would you walk on your own, already? It would be disrespectful to your position if I tossed you over my shoulder, but I'm not afraid to do it."

"What do you people even want from me!" Natasha shouted, breaking away from Amora's grip and turning to glare.

"I just told you. I want to borrow one of your thralls." Amora replied, hands on her hips making her glare obvious despite her eyes being obscured. "Loki said that you were the clever one. I'm starting to doubt his judgment."

"The two of you have been trading insults over my head and you think I want to help you?" Natasha asked with a glare.

"We've been complimenting you to your face and ignore it!" Amora countered.

"You can't have Tony." Natasha said firmly.

"What?" Amora asked, taken aback.

"I don't know what you're planning to do, whether you want to turn him or take him, but I'm not going to let you do it right under our noses." Natasha told her. "I'm not as easily fooled as he is and whatever you think you can pull on him--"

Amora sighed in disappointment, shoulders dropping. "I see why Loki wanted you. It would have been much simpler for him to not have to deal with this." She shook her head. "I wanted to take you as an apprentice," Amora told her in a voice heavy with disappointment.

"I wouldn't be an apprentice to you." Natasha said.

"Bucky told me that." Amora admitted. "Still, I had hoped..." She looked away a moment and chuckled sadly. " _'They either think the worst or the best of me.'_ I suppose I understand that sentiment now. I cannot tell, either..."

Amora turned to face Natasha, taking off her glasses. "Do you truly think so poorly of your teammate that you believe he would turn against you? Or do you think so highly of him that you believe this possible trap would never occur to him and he'd fall into it unknowing?" Her eyes bore into the spy as she added, "Or do you think so poorly of yourself as his ally that you think he will take the first chance to leave you? And should he, agent Romanov? Should he forsake his teammate? His companion? His... friend?" Amora tilted her head slightly. "Or perhaps I am presumptuous to call you friends. With this display, I can hardly tell."

Natasha's eyes burned with both hurt and determination. She was clearly not swayed from her stance, even if the barbs struck home.

Amora placed her glasses back on her face. "Good day, agent Romanov." Amora walked past her out of the store, vanishing as she rounded a corner.


End file.
